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Topic: Custody of Children?
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 bint.umar
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Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Apr 2003
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Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem. Alhamdulillaahi Rabbil Aalameen. Wa salaatu wa salaamu 'alaa ashrafil anbiyaa-e wal mursaleen, nabiyyinaa Muhammadan wa 'alaa aalihi wa ashaabihi ajma'een.
As-salaamu alaikum wa rahamtullaahi wa barakaatuh.
I would appreciate it if one of the brothers or sisters who has knowledge of the following question to please answer it for me. And if no one has knowledge of its answer I am requesting the brothers who have contact with the scholars to please ask this question. Wa jazakumallaahu kulla khayraa.
MY QUESTION:
SCENARIO
A muslim man and a muslim woman marry and have children and when the children are very small the two divorce. The children go to live with the mother. The mother takes care of the children's well being and financially supports them on her own (not because of an agreement but because of the fathers negligence). So basically the mother did everything for the children. Years pass and the children pass the age of reason and enter into "adolescence". The father sees the children off and on throughout the years (the mother always making him aware of her location as to not cause any distance between him and his children). Also, the father gave money throughout these many years as many times that can be counted on two hands. NOW the mother gets married after many years. The father comes to her and says that he wants his children because Islaam says that he has more right to them when she gets married. The mother does not submit to this because over all these years the father was negligent when it came to the children's support and she has had to do everything for her children to keep them well and clothed.
ADDITIONAL SPECIFIC INFO:
The mother has been recently introduced to the salafee da'wah and claims salafiyyah for herself, although she needs alot of educating.
The father has been known to make disparaging remarks against the scholars and warn people against salafiyyah.
The father is very unremorseful when it comes to the mothers struggles and all that she has done for the children and behaves like that has/had nothing to do with him.
Q1: Does this father have the right to just come and take his children without having fufilled his responsibility towards them in the past?
Q2: What right does the mother have in this situation?
Q3: Can the mother request the father to pay her back for all she has done (at least financially)?
Q4: Is the rule of custody in Islaam a reversable one? Meaning if the mother gets divorced does she regain more rights over the children?
Q5: If the mother feels that the children's deen will be adversly affected can she prevent them from going to live with their father?
Q6: Is it permissible for a father to say that he will take care of his children as long as they are living with him and if not then they are not his responsibilty?
Q7: What are the obligations of a father to his children when they are living with their mother?
These are all the questions I can think of right now but if I remember more I will add them Insha'Allaah. If anyone has anything to add that may be relevant that I left out then please feel free to add. ALSO GENERAL ADVICE ON HOW TO KEEP ONE'S EEMAAN HIGH IN SUCH A TRYING SITUATION IS WELCOME.
Please reply to this question and know that this is a wide spread situation amongst the muslims, so please reply and may Allaah reward you with khayr.
Aameen
Your sister in Al-Islaam
Umm Aasiyah Inshirah bint Umar
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| Asiyah.Bintpaula
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Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2003
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Assalamu Alaykum Sister,
I am in a similar situation. However, my son is still nursing and I have not yet remarried. Before I considered getting married again, I wanted to know what the ruling would be pertaining to the custody of my son. Alhamdullilah, I emailed daarulhadeeth@yahoo.com and they were able to get a fatawa for me from a scholar. Because my son is so young I am not sure if the fatawa I recieved will help you. Insha-allah they may be able to help you if you email them. While you await a response try the link below. It is a post by Moosa talking about the custody of children when the parents get divorced. I hope this helps.
Here is the fatawa I recieved in an email from daarul Hadeeth:
"Assalamu Alakum. Alahamdullilah, We spoke to our shaikh, Shaikh Ubaid al-Jabiree today and this is what occurred. Question: A questioner says she was married to a person but this person used to abuse her so now she is divorced from him and they have a child, who hasn't stopped breast feeding, between them. The brother hasn't provided for the child in about two years rather when he gets money he spends it on cigarrettes and in aiding his attempt to become a musician. Therefore the question is can she stipulate that another person be present when he visits the child because she fears his evil? Answer:He should visit them in the presence of a mahram for her and give salams to the child and then leave. Question #2 If she remarries again does she have to give him the child in his present condition? Answer:If she fears for her child and she is sure he is either deviant or corrupt it is ruled her child is with her."
Asiyah bint Paula
http://salafitalk.net/st/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=20&Topic=21
This message was edited by Asiyah.Bintpaula on 6-27-03 @ 5:13 PM
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| s.bint.ahmed
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Member
Posts: 116
Joined: Sep 2002
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As-salaamu alaikum wa rahamtullaahi wa barakaatuh. ukhti
I make dua for you and ask whoever reads this post to make dua for our sister that Allah gives her firmness at this time.
You asked for advise in your situation to keep your eemaan up. I write this as a reminder to us. May Allah give us tafeeq upon His path. Ameen.
1. Firstly, Constantly, seek advise from the Ulemah, so that you can be sure that you have acted according to the qur?an and the sunnah. As you seem to be doing. Accept their advise with an open heart.
2. Remember eemaan goes up and down. It goes up when we do good deeds. So remember that shaitan is on your case at this time. Keep up your dua to Allah. Be sincere when making it and know that Allah Hears our duas and His Help is near so do not despair. You have to put your trust in Him that He will make your matter clear for you. Do not fall into the haraam when your eemaan is down. And be patient.
3. Ukti do good deeds, increase your zikhr, read qur?an ,spend in charity according to your ability, keep good company. If you do not feel like keeping anyones company then keep the company of the scholars.Listen to their translated tapes, read their books,articles. Reflect upon their words. Listen to the lessons of the scholars and students of knowledge on paltalk. This will really help you insha Allah.
4. Know this is part of qadr the good and the bad. The bitter and the sweet .We have to stick to the truth, we have to stick to the Qur?an and the sunnah whatever our situation. We have to maintain good character (as difficult as this may be when you are being treated otherwise). Know your reward lies with Allah.? Is there any reward for good other than good.?
5. ukhti as hard as it is to see it this way, just look that the time, as you say, the father of your children was negligent that this was your reaping of reward for what you have spent on your children.Also the times that he did not see the children, again this was his loss for we know the joy being with children brings, watching them grow etc. That we are all individually responsible for our flocks and we will be questioned. So seek your reward with Allah for this deed of providing and maintaining your children and see it as a time of loss of rewards of their father for we all know the ayahs of qur?an and hadeeths pertaining to our responsibilities.
6. Ukhti, make dua for their father that Allah rectifies his condition. For in his rectification and guidance lies happiness for all involved.Your children will be seeing what you are going through and they know the past. So teach them to please Allah, be good to their father and to make dua for him too and to seek their reward with Allah too.
7.Take this time for remembering Allah,repenting and seeking His forgiveness, as a means of getting closer to Allah.
Insha Allah my sister, I hope this helps me and you. That we look at this life as a journey, that our goal is jannah upon tawheed and ikhlaas seeking Allahs Face Alone. Ameen.
Umm Abdur Rahmaan.
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| Abul.HasanMalik
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Member
Posts: 67
Joined: Sep 2002
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| bint.umar
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Member
Posts: 25
Joined: Apr 2003
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As-salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh.
I am asking that one of the brothers who is in contact with the scholars please take it upon himself to get this situation brought to their attention.
The situation is becoming more urgent/serious everyday. The people involved need guidance as to what they should do. PLEASE someone commit themselves to getting this question answered!
If anyone is able to help please pm me so that I can give much needed further detail. I do not feel comfortable placing all of the info for everyone to read so please pm me and I will detail the situation.
Just in case you can not sense the urgency; this situation is Very urgent.
Jazaakumallaahu khayraa
Ukhtukum fid-deen
Umm Aasiyah Inshirah bint Umar
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26-06-2003 @ 6:17 PM
27-06-2003 @ 1:33 AM