Topic: I need some advice!!!insha Allah

umm_khadijah    -- 15-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
Im a bit embarrassed about speaking of this,i dont want anyone to think im crazy! insha Allah.
Basically i need some sincere advise,as i have developed what they call a 'phobia'of being sick(physically),i first developed this when i was about 14 yrs old,maybe because me and my family moved to a new area,started it off Allah hu Alim,i then used to see a councellor who i would talk it over with,i hadnt been sick for about 10-11 yrs alhamdulillah,so the phobia wasnt there as much then,but about 7 mths ago i was and it has started it all off again,im constantly worrying about it,it has even started to affect my family life,such as with my husband as im scared with him being here incase he gets ill and passes it to me,he is actually now working away, but it came realy close to divorce and the main problem behind it was this fear of mine,so i know shaytaan is having a whale of a time with it.Also i have two children alhamdulillah and im always worrying about them getting ill and if i would be able to cope when they do.Also it is starting to affect me going out,i try not to go out that much anyway,but when i do im always thinking are we going to catch anything to make us ill,whoever's reading this may be thinking this sister needs to stop worrying so much,but wallahi its not that easy,im constantly anxious about it,and it does make me depressed sometimes at the thought of it happening,even though i know it would be the Qadr of Allah.I do ask Allah to take this fear from me,and i know i have to be patient,but believe me this is so hard,and i fear it could cause more problems between me and my husband and also for my children as i would love to insha Allah send them to school when they are old enough,but the thought of them going and possibly catching something,is realy putting me off.i need to speak with someone about this problem,maybe who could tell me how to cope with it and how to get it off my mind etc,i know that Allah is the only one who can cure me of this,and what has stopped me so far of going to someone proffesional who deals with these phobias is my fear of commiting shirk,can anyone tell me if i would be doing that,and if it would be permissable to see someone,im realy desperate,before this takes over my life,which it is realy trying to do.sorry this is so long,but i would be grateful if anyone could advise me on this on how to go about it,and if it would be permissable to see a councellor to talk about this.Jazak Allah hu khairan for taking the time to read this.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

This message was edited by um_dawud on 3-30-03 @ 11:35 PM

oummou.assia    -- 16-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  bissmillahi rahmani rahim
assalam alaykoum ya oukhti fi llah
may Allah help u through this really stressing "illness" u got.
My simple advice would be :
1) that you make your dhikr on morning ( when waking up) and evening
2) making you dhikr when you go to bed
3) also when you go out, to the toilets, etc...
and all the situations of life.
You can find this dhikr in several books which are sold in common libraries ( look for books which are only based on kitaab wa sounnah sahiha : u find the ahadith from boukhary, mouslim, etc..)
4) remember to read also ayatul Kursy before going to sleep , after you dhikr of prayer, etc...
5) make a lot of dou'a to ALLAh for what u are going through , so that He will take this off ur mind.
6) make the dou'a in the case where you are sad, or feel bad, it will really help u sis.

Also, when you have those bad thoughts, take refuge  in Allah against shaytan irrajim ( la3natou llah alayhi).
Read Qoran,it is a cure. Mostly soora al fatiha, and the last 3 ones, and ayaat from soora al baqarah.
May Allah help you remove all these shaytani wiswas.ameen
wa assalam alaykoum sis.

abu.iyaad    -- 16-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
..--=ahamdulillaah was. salaatu was. salaamu `alaa rasoolillaah.=--..
wa. ba`ad


It is most likely that you have a waswasah from Shaytaan who has exaggerated the fear of sickness (illness) to you, and thus this concern in your mind has begun to pre-occupy most of your thoughts. Sometimes this can happen to people in other issues. I'll give you some examples. A sister would take an hour or so to perform wudhoo` due to  a suspicion that she had not washed her hands properly. So out of the fear of nullifying her prayer, she would go back and forth and keep washing her hands. Similarly a brother would spend up to two hours performing wudhoo, then going for prayer, then coming back and doing wudhoo again (before having even prayed) and so on, and finally he does not pray dhuhr until well after 3.00pm. So he he had a suspicion that he might have leaked some urine, and then this suspicion overwhelmed him, and led him to this strange behaviour. These cases appear to be waswasah (whispering) from Shaytaan, with an exaggerated fear of missing out on something that is `Ibaadah.

In your case however, the fear that you have is one that relates to a matter that is kawnee (a wordly affair). Firstly, you should know that Allaah is the one who brings about illness and the one who heals and cures. Thus, the  fear should not be focused around the illness or sickness, but it should be focused around Allaah `Azza wa Jall. The fear of the sickness itself should naturally follow on from the fear of Allaah, just like hope in the cure of sickness should naturally follow on from the hope of Allaah, who cures and heals.

So you need to shift the focus of your fear inshaa`Allaah ta`aalaa, and the ways to do this have been covered by the brother and sister (may Allaah reward them well) in the two posts above. Recite the Qur'aan and reflect upon it and know and understand Allaah's Names and Attributes and how they relate to the Creation, and place your reliance and trust upon Allaah, who is an-Naafi` (the one who benefits) and who is ad-Daarr (the one who causes harm). So He is to be exclusively feared and hoped in.

However, this does not mean that your fear of sickness comprises Shirk, since fear is of different types, and fear of the worldly harms is something natural to humans. In this case, it appears that the fear has been exaggerated to cause undue anxiety and worry and mental pre-occupation.

Then after that there is no harm if you seek councelling, as this is not considered Shirk, since you know that Allaah cures and heals, and you rely upon Him for that. However, you must also adopt the ways and means, and one of those ways and means, is to seek councelling from those who are worthy and fit of giving it.

Inshaa`Allaah ta`aalaa, you can also make the du`a "Allaahumma Innee A`oodhu bika min al-Hammi wal-Huzni..." which is part of the du`a in which you seek refuge in eight things. You can find it in the well-known du`a books. It translates as "O Allaah I seek refuge in you from anxiety and sadness". And as Ibn al-Qayyim explains Badaa`i al-Fawaaid, 1/446-447, al-hamm (anxiety) is worry and stress concerning something in the future and al-huzn is sorrow and grief concerning what has occurred in the past, and both of these are a form of torment and punishment of the soul. So we seek refuge from both of these.

And if any other members have any advice to give then, please come forward with it, as giving advice when a Muslim asks for it, is one of the six rights of a Muslim.

Allaah knows best. May Allaah safeguard us and you and the Muslimeen from the likes of these affairs.


This message was edited by abu.iyaad on 9-16-02 @ 9:39 PM

umm_abdillah    -- 16-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalam Aleikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

JazakAllahu Khairan Bro. Abu Iyaad for the advice.

Bro. I seem to have a similar thing, and that is I fear death. Alhamdulillah, I've always thought of death often, I always strive to remember it, since the prophet (sallahu aleyhi wa sallam) adviced us to remember often, the terminator of pleasures.  But, nowadays, I fear it sooo much, and it's a very overwhelming feeling.  Because, I'm afraid to sleep for fear that the angel of death will come and take my soul.  I'm afraid to go out, for fear of being hit by a car.  I know that every soul will taste death, and that death will come to all of us, anywhere and at any time.  So my question is, how do I still live life, knowing this reality?

And the sad thing is that I find that this has not caused me to come closer to Allah, rather I seem to have less of a yearning to meet Allah.  And this is because I fear the grave and I fear that I'll die and Allah is not pleased with me.  Also, I have a young child, I fear to die and to leave him whilst his young.

Bro. Abu Iyaad or anyone please help me in dealing with this feeling.  Jazakumullahu Khairan.TextText

Alhamdulillah ala Islam wa Sunnah!

umm_khadijah    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazak Allah hu khairan brother Iyaad for the excellent naseehah,and also to the other replies,may Allah reward u all with jannah for your efforts ameen.
Brother Iyaad u almost brought tears to my eyes with what u said as it is so true.I will take all of your advice insha Allah,i know i have to increase more in du'a and dhikr insha Allah and try to become more patient,may Allah help me.
As i said in my message this is causing alot of problems in my life,sometimes it realy seems unbearable,especially when i think of it happening and i know i shouldnt look to the future as Allah is the only knower of the Ghaib(unseen).And it makes me very upset.I think a brother replied and mentioned me telling my husband,this is very hard for me,as with him knowing,it would make me much more anxious,as he would then be aware of my fear,but i have considered telling him but im not sure if he would properly understand,Allah hu Alim,maybe if Allah makes me strong i will insha Allah.
Brother Iyad,u said that it would be permissable for me to seek councelling,are u sure i would not be committing shirk by doing this,as i would be asking them for help,but like i said i know Allah is the only one who can cure me,and if they were to help me at all,my thanks would all be to Allah.Also i read about another woman who had the same fear and she underwent hypnotherapy treatment,which she said helped her to get over her phobia alot,i have wanted to know for a while if this is permissable or not,please could u find out for me?Jazak Allah hu khairan for the advice.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

ummmarwan    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  assalamu alaikum, (for umm_abdillah) There is a very good article on the need to balance fear with love and hope at article ID no. SCL010003 by Abu Iyaad.

umm_abdillah    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalam Aleikum Warahmatullah

JazakAllahu Khairan Umm marwan for the article.  BarakAllahu Fik.

Assalam Aleikum  

Alhamdulillah ala Islam wa Sunnah!

ibn.muhammad    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  I think the article you are talking about umm marwan is another one. The one on Fear and Hope is here.

It is an excellent article from al-Ibanah of Ibn Battah I think.

This message was edited by ibn.muhammad on 9-17-02 @ 5:44 PM

ummsaad    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  as-salamu alaikum sisters umm abdillah and umm khadijah,
I can relate to what you are goind through.  I used to get panic attacks when I was five years old when I would think about dying.  My oldest son also would not be able to sleep if he thought about dying.  He also used to get the whispering from the shaiytan when he made wudu and would repeat it several times until his brothers stopped waiting for him to lead them, and they would pray without him. This doesn't happen anymore, alhamdu lillah, since I taught him the dthikr for the bathroom.  We always say the ayatul- kursy after salat and after fajr and maghrib and before bed.  We make the muwadathaan after fajr and maghrib salat and before sleeping.  I read them for my smaller children that can't talk yet. One of my sons would have night terrors before I taught him to say the ayatul-kursy before bedtime.  You have to watch the little children when they go to the bathroom to make sure that they make the du'a, clean themselves properly, and make wudu when they finish.  When my family moved into this new apartment our childrens' room was a jinns' playground until we spent our first Ramadaan in here, and we read the suratul Baqarah.
When you go to sleep at night make the du'as and dthikr.  You can find them in sahih muslim capter 17 in the Book of Dthikr, and Du'a, and Repentance and Forgiveness.  
Remember that Allah says, "O you who believe seek help through patient perserverance and prayer: Allah is with the patient." [Quran surah 2, ayah 153}
And always remember that Allah says, "Allah doesn't burden a person beyond what he can bear.  He gets reward for that good which he has earned, and he is punished for that evil which he has earned."  [surahtul-Baqarah, ayah 286]  The Messenger said,"Whoever recited the last two verses of Suratul-Baqarah at night, that will be sufficient for him."
Abu Saeed Al-Khudri reported that Allah's Messenger (sallAllahu alaihi was-salam)said,"The prophets are afflicted the most, then the righteous.  Indeed, one of them would be tested with poverty, so that he would not be able to wear anything but a coarse cloak.  And indeed, they used to be pleased with afflictions as you would with comfort." [ see Al-Albani in as-sahihah no. 144]
Suhayb reported that the messenger(sallallahu alaihi was-salam) said, "Indeed, amazing is the affair of the believer.  If he is granted ease of living, he is grateful, and this is best for him.  And if he is afflicted with hardship, he perserveres, and this is best for him." [sahih muslim]
The Messenger (sallAllahu alaihi was-salam) said, "By Him in whose hand is my soul, Allah does not ordain a decree for a believer but it is for his good; and this merit is for no one except a believer.  If he is granted ease of living, he is thankful; and this is best for him.  And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres and this is best for him." [sahih Muslim]  
Aaisha reported, " I heard the Messenger (sallAllahu alaihi was-salam) saying: There is no calamity that befalls a believer, even if it is the pricking of a thorn, that there is decreed for him by Allah a reward or his sins are obliterated." [sahih muslim]
So don't be so upset.  The Prophet (sallAllahu alaihi was-salam) said, "Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity."[Bukhari]

umm_khadijah    -- 17-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazak Allah hu khairan for the reply sister Umm Saad.And the good words of advice.When shaytaan sees a weakness in someone,he tries his utmost best to cause that person fear and confusion,A'uthu Billahi minash shaytaani rajeem.Please keep me and the sister in your du'as,i will keep u both in mine insha Allah ta'Ala.
Take Care

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Abu-Mariam    -- 18-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM

Assallaamu alaikum warahmatullah

Dear sisters I pray to Allah Azza wa Jal that He cures both of your conditions and eases for you both your hardships and your doubts.  Ameen.

I am by profession solely a drug educator now but have been a counsellor in the past.  Alhumdulillah.

I will split this message into two segments.  The first segmet will be for our sister Umm Khadijah and the second segment for Umm Abdillah inshaAllah.

Naseeha For Umm Khadeeja:

1) As our brother Abu Iyaad mentioned earlier that it is ok for you to seek aid in a counsellor inshaAllah.  As when you have something wrong with your body wether it be a flu, a rash whose origin is unknown to you then we go to the doctor to seek some form of aid that Allah has allowed them to give us.  Also as a counsellor I hope that I was not an aid for anyone to commit shirk. A'oothu billah.  

2) With regards to you being afraid of getting ill then as has been mentioned earlier if it is written for you to fall ill then Qadar Allahu masha fa'al.  Ukhti fillah think of it this way inshaAllah - We know that illnesses are a form of purification, hence the dua 'la ba'as tahurun inshaAllah' (never mind may it (the illness) be a purification if Allah wills).  If we were not to fall ill then how many extra sins would we taking to our graves with us.  A'oothu billah.  So instead of seeing it as something to fear inshaAllah try and see it as an opportunity  for some of your sins to be forgiven.  

3) With regards to your children I know not how old they are.  However if one or both of them are under the age of two then it is very likely that they may fall ill due to teething and so on.  We also know that inshaAllah with every illness their immune system gets stronger for when they are older.  This is how the concept of immunisations work inshaAllah.

So to finish ukhti fillah I advise you to fear Allah and to put your trust in Him and to have patience as Allah says 'Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can take', and that 'Verily Allah is with those who have patience' also 'And certainly We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient.  Who when afflicted with a calamity say: Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'oon {Truly! To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return}

This is the second of the two segments for Ukhtuna Umm Abdillah.

Allah says in the Quraan that 'every soul shall taste death' (Surah Ali-Imraan 3:185).  So therefore we know that it is a reality which will come to pass.  However what we do not know is when it will come to pass.  So inshaAllah I advise you with the following:

1) Firstly you fear Allah and also put your trust in Him.  We ask Allah for many things in life a suitable husband/wife, Jannat-ul-Firdous, Good health (both mental and physical), so what is wrong with us asking for a long life especially where are our children are concerned.  I say this as a father myself WAllahi I cringe at the thought of dying while my children are so young, with the way that the world is around us.  A'oothu billah.  However this is where the trust in Allah comes into play firstly that inshaAllah He does not take your life and secondly even if He did inshaAllah He would replace you with someone better for him.  

2) Ukhti fillah the prophet of Allah stated that the body has rights over you, Allah has created the night for sleep, by keeping yourself awake with the worry of death it makes it harder for the body to recover from the exertions of the day both physically and mentally, so it is no wonder you are at this moment distant from Allah.  even if you mentally knew and wanted to pray you may be unable to due the fatigue your body is feeling.  I would assume that you are probably not eating well either (Umm Khadijah also) this also can have adverse affects upon the body and mind, as good physical and mental health inshaAllah can aid your ibaadah of Allah.  

3) O my sister in Islaam I know not if it is the moment of death you fear or the reckoning or what but I will narrate to you from the long Hadeeth reported in Sahih al-Jaami, reported by Ahmad and others on the authority of Al-Baraa' ibn 'Aazib (radiAllahu anhumma) who said:

"...Then he (the Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wassallam) said 'When the believing servant is leaving this world and going on to the Hereafter, angels with white faces - as if their faces were the sun - descend upon him.  With them is a shroud from the shrouds of Jannah and perfume for embalming from the perfumes of Jannah, so they sit away from him at the distance the eye can see and then the Angel of Death (alaihis salaam) comes and sits by his head and says, 'O good soul, come out to forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure.  He (sallallaahu alaihi wassallaam) said 'So it comes out just as a drop flows out from the mouth of the drinking vessel, and he takes it, but does not leave it in his hand for the blink of an eye until they take it and place it in that shroud and that perfume, and there comes out from him a smell like that of the best musk found upon the face of the earth..."
So here we can see that although death is a thing we should fear and remember it can also be so beautiful and gentle (who would ever think of death as such) but this is a hadeeth and we know that the Prophet never spoke from himself, rather only that which was revealed.  Allahu a'lam.

So here inshaAllah I will finish my naseeha to you Ukhti Umm Abdillah with the ayah of Allah from Surah al-Mulk where Allah Azza wa jal says

'(He) Who has created death and life, that He may test which of you is best in deed.  He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving.  

Also to have patience as Allah says 'Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can take',

and that 'Verily Allah is with those who have patience'

also 'And certainly We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient.  Who when afflicted with a calamity say: Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'oon {Truly! To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return}  

All of the above Ayaat can be found in Surah al-Baqarah.

Please if I have typed anything incorrect please correct me brothers and sisters.  As any mistakes are from me and far removed is Allah from any deficiences.

Subhana kallaahumma wa bi hamdika ash hadu Allaah ilaaha illa anta wa astagfiruka wa tubu ilayk.

Wassallaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
Naseeha For Umm Khadeeja:

umm_abdillah    -- 18-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalam Aleikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I thank Allah subhanAllah wa ta'ala for giving me an ease in my heart.  InshAllah I pray that makes me of those who worship Him upon Love, Hope and Fear.  Ameen.
My dear brothers and sisters, I like to tell you all Jazakumullahu Khairan.  May Allah lift from you all burden from the burdens of this dunia and akhirah, as you have lifted my burden by these wonderful reminders. And, I asked Allah to cure our dear sister Umm Khadijah, and those of the muslims who have similar feelings.  Alhamdulillah for Islam and the bond that Allah has established between us all.  
And lastly may Allah unite us all in paradise, as we have united upon Sunnah and Salafiyah.
BarakAllahu Fikum.

Assalam Aleikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

Alhamdulillah ala Islam wa Sunnah!

umm_khadijah    -- 18-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazak Allah hu khairan brother,for the advice,it has realy made me think alhamdulillah.And alhamdulillah,over the last couple of days i have been supplicating more and making dhikr and i have actually found myself a bit more relaxed,and my mind hasnt been as occupied as much as it usually is,infact it is the remembarance of Allah,Azza wa'jal,that is helping me to be a bit more stronger,mentally and the way i think of things,subhanAllah.Sister i have also asked Allah to cure u and to ease your worrying,i so much hope that he makes things easy for u ameen
Also by the way brother,can u tell me if hypnotherapy is permissable in islam,as i read of one woman who had the same fear as me and she had said that it realy helped her,i would be realy grateful if u could answer that for me insha Allah.
And also another question,would u advise me to seek councelling from a muslim association,if there are any in UK,or would u advise me to go to a kaafir?At first i thought it would be best to go to a muslim councellor,but im a bit worried because i thought for all i know that person could be sufi/shi'a etc,and i realy do not want to get misguided,A'uthu Billah.What do u advise?
I would be very grateful for a response,and also if u know of any contacts who could help me(councellors etc)
Jazak Allah hu khairan.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Abu-Mariam    -- 18-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM

Assallaamu alaikum

With regards to hypnotherapy then I know not of any references to this from the Sunnah.  So therefore I will suffice to say that Allah knows best.  

With regards to wether you should go to a muslim or kaafir counsellor then I will say inshaAllah it is better for you to go to a Muslim counsellor.  Why do I say this?  It is that most counsellors use the 'Person Centred' model of working.  They will remove you from your Lord when you talk about your 'problems' and when you say 'Allah or God has made it possible for me to do so and so' they will respond by saying 'no it was you, not Allah or God or anyone for that matter'.  I have more or less experienced this for myself in my time as a counsellor.  A'oothu billah.  WAllahu a'lam.  

InshaAllah ask the maktaba if they have any info regarding Muslim counsellors or alternatively you can ask your GP to refer you to a specialist taking into account your cultural and faith(spiritual) needs.

I will in the mean time see what I can locate for you in the form of therapists that may be suitable for you inshaAllah.  As I know of none from the top of my head as I live and work in London.

InshaAllah keep up the ibadah and continue in your patience and trust in our Lord The Most High.  Generally what kind of area are you located in or are close to in Birmingham, where you could travel to with ease for your therapy inshaAllah?  As like London Birmingham is a large city.

Wassallaamu alaikum warahmatullah

Abu Mariam al-Atharee

umm_khadijah    -- 19-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

I live in the Bordesley Green area of B'ham,its next to Small heath about 10 mins walk from there,its not that far from the city centre.The postal area is B9.
I was hoping and im not sure if i would be able to,to find someone who does home visits,as its realy awkward as ive got two children under 2,and its not realy possible to leave them with other sisters as theyve all got children themselves.Im very grateful to u,for  trying to help,may Allah reward u for all your efforts ameen.Insha Allah i hope i can find a muslim councellor,its quite hard though,dont want to have to end up going to a kaafir.Jazak Allah hu khairan.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

ummsaad    -- 19-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  as-salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,
No doubt, sister Khadijah must ask the people of ahl-ul-ilm for the answer to her problem.  I have a few questions of my own. Isn't there a difference between giving naseehah and giving a fatwa?  Aren't we allowed to give general, sincere advice to our brothers and sisters in Islam, without considering ourselves to be scholars? Aren't we as muslims supposed to consult other muslims in our affairs? I know that I am no student of knowledge, but I am a muslimah with experiences similar to these, and I have been to the students of the scholars, and I am trying to relate what worked for me and give some general advice from what I know is saheeh.  
Also,I do have the numbers to four students of knowledge, and I can get someone who speaks Arabic to ask for the sister, but I have to get my husband to ask someone else more knowledgeable  than these four before I direct her to anyone. And shouldn't she get permission from her husband before anyone else helps her? I know for a fact that my husband would be disturbed if another woman's husband asked about a very personal problem of mine before he did.  
Can we as women ask the scholars questions and follow their advice without our husbands knowing anything about it, especially when we seek to go out of the house to get medical help?
This is a serious problem for me, asking questions.  I could walk around for years with a question, all the time being afraid to ask the wrong person or to even get avice from anyone.  I have a few questions now that I will not put on this forum, so I ask Allah to help me in clarification and I hope I can have patience.
la hawla wala quwatta illa billah.

umm_khadijah    -- 19-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  wa alaykum assalam wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu,

Im grateful for the replies from both yemeni salafi and Umm Saad,Jazak Allah hu khairan.
I would like this question to be put to the people of knowledge insha Allah.But what Umm Saad asked about my husband having to know first,this i would like to know.
Like i said before for my husband to know about this fear,i think may make things worse,with regards to the anxiety etc,and also i would find it very hard to tell him,only my mum knows about this from when it started when i was younger and a sister who i confided in.
But obviously if the ruling is that he has to know first then i have no choice but to tell him insha Allah.Sister Umm Saad,i would be very grateful if when this question is clarified(about whether i have to tell my husband)if your husband would be able to put the question to the students of knowledge,i have been wanting to do that for a while but have not known how to do it.Jazak Allah hu khairan.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

ummsaad    -- 20-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  dear sister khadijah,
as-salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,
insha Allah I will have him call and ask about this situation if your husband should be informed before you get help for a medical problem.  You can ask questions directly to the scholars when they are on the paltalk giving lectures. Subhan Allah, my husband just asked shaikh Ubaid Al-Jabiry a question at the end of one of his dars, and he was told to ask the next day, but the question he was going to ask has already been resolved alhamdu lillah.  It's easy when you can understand Arabic.  I don't speak Arabic that well so I have to always rely on him to go ask for me.
I will let you know as soon as I can, insha Allah.

Sunnah    -- 20-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  yemanisalafi, jazakallahu khair for your advice, alhamdulillah we should stick and refer to the scholars for fatwaas. just a little point though, you should distinguish between naseehah and fatwaa. The sister asked for naseehah and all the brothers and sisters gave her naseehah, not "fatwaa". A fatwaa is a legal ruling derived from the Book and the Sunnah to a specific situation. Naseehah is giving advice, direction, tips, consultation, support in an affair etc. I don't think anyone issued a fatwa, but they gave the sister advice to make du'a, turn to Allaah, recite the qur'an, understand where this problem is coming from etc. Of course, if she wants a legal ruling or "fatwaa" concerning a specific aspect of her problem, she can and should ask the scholars. But please make that distinction between naseehah and fatwaa. Alhamdulillah she found the words of support and advice helpful, and if anyone else has naseehah they should give it.

umm_khadijah    -- 20-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Jazak Allah hu khairan Umm Saad for the reply.
I have failed to mention in my posts,that my husband does actually know i have this phobia(fear)but he doesnt actually know what exactly the phobia is(what im actually scared of)i did tell him a while ago,and i tried explaining what phobias are,not sure if he realy understood Allah hu Alim,i did tell him then that i wanted to get help for it,and he seemed fine about that.Its only now that im trying to get help as i recently had a baby and havent had the time.Im grateful for your help.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Abu-Mariam    -- 21-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM

Assallaamu alaikum

Akhi kareem (Yusuf) jazakAllahu khairan for your 'naseeha' to us regarding taking the issues to the scholars.  

However akhi what I will say is not in anyway meant as a rebuttal to what you said, for verily akhi kareem you have spoken the truth inshaAllah.  

With regards to the 'naseeha' the brothers and sisters jazakamullahu khairan have given the sisters then inshaAllah this can only be of benefit to them and us.  If you look through what was written mashaAllah la quwatta illa billah then you will see that the 'naseeha' that was given was to remember Allah and to put their trust in him and so on.

However when I gave my 'naseeha' it was not taking anything away from what was said earlier but rather an addition.  Alhumdulillah Allah has given me the ability and expertise to be able to deal with issues like this and similar and therefore I saw it as my duty to pass this to the sisters and whoever else requires it of me in the future.  And I put my trust in Allah that I will be able to help them as best as I can in order that they may become closer to their creator as a result of it.

So when I gave my 'naseeha' to the sisters in question it was from a more practical (in a sense dunya) way of looking at things.  This was done as a result of knowing what is out there and also hopefully the sisters not making the wrong mistake and going to just anyone.  As you can see one of the sisters is already saying she has heard this and she has heard that.  WAllahi when an individual is desperate sometimes they will go to any length to 'sort out' their 'problem'.

WAllahi akhi we as juhaal must know our limits and know that if we know not what we are talking about then it is best to refrain from talking.  As this may make the situation a lot worse than it is.  A'oothu billah.

So inshaAllah I hope that this issue is now clear and we can continue to benefit one another where possible.  

I apologise to the two sisters in question for referring to them throughout this post, as the situation must be hard enough as it is without having to think 'have I caused all of this fitnah on the computer from asking my question?'.

Brothers and sisters please if you have any queries, worries or concerns then please ask via this forum as I know that there are mashaAllah la quwatta illa billah some knowledgable brothers who are on this forum and are also english speaking.  For verily if we cannot trust the salafiyyoon with our problems concerns and so on then who will we trust?

If I have said anything to upset anyone then please forgive me.

Akhukum fillah

Abu Mariam al-Atharee

SubhanakAllah humma wa bihamdika ashhadu Allah ilaaha illa anta wa astagfiruka wa'a tubuilayk.

Wassallaamu alaikum

abu.sagheer    -- 21-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  May Allah reward all those who contributed to this thread, and alhamdulillah this thread is an indication of what can be found amongst Salafis of good advice, good akhlaaq, and wishing good for their brothers and sisters.

umm_khadijah    -- 22-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Brother,Yemeni Salafi,it is fine by me if u want to post the answers given in reply to the question,as like u said it may be of benefit to other people who suffer these kind of things.Although u should wait for the other sisters response to your question as it also involves her.May Allah reward u all for your efforts ameen.

Assalamu Alaykum wa rahmatullah.

umm_abdillah    -- 22-09-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalam Aleikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I have no problem with the answer being posted, InshAllah.

BarakAllahu Fikum.

Alhamdulillah ala Islam wa Sunnah!

AbuAbbasAlBukhariy    -- 11-12-2002 @ 12:00 AM
  Assalamu 'alaykum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh

I went quickly through this beneficial discussion between salafi brothers and sisters and decided to add my point of view.
Firstly, May Allaah reward those brothers and sisters who sincerely advised the sister?generally some advised to make dhikr , Quran?etc?and brother yemenisalafi also advised to contact our scholars..all these are alhamdulillah very good important advices ..which we have to seriously consider?

Secondly, I want to say that my wife has also similar kind of problem which ummkhadeejah has. It is similar. My wife starts panicing usually night time when she is alone and when i am out. Also she starts panicing if sudden change happens in her life like for example simply if sofa is moved from one place to another new place then she starts panicing. Because things have changed from its normal state. And firstly i did not take note of it but later i asked her clearly what the problem was and she explained it to me and I understood what is the situation. And I tried to make her busy with things which are more beneficial. Like for example we organized daily learning of Quran..and reading book and learning arabic. And I also told her to visit her sisters more often especially if they have study circles or invite them home and I told her to tell me if this panicing thing starts again and asked her to tell me the reason behind it. So after that panic came sometimes then after knowing the reason I told her of her mistake in her way of thinking. Because it seems in here that many women as well men have this kind of sister ummkhadijah do not think that you r only one person and your problem does not exist in other people...and getting more panic because of that. These kind of problems exist in many people. They even have more worse cases i do not even want to mention. Therefore my advise to you is to thank Allaah for that your situation is not difficult comparing to others. My wife became better after all these sisters meetings..and learning a new thing every day..and attending walimahs..aqiqahs helped her alhamdulillah?because in there seeing other sisters and being together in goodness helped her eeman to increase and she started to look into things with different approach.. Seems you just have to change the way you think like for exampe. .children are sick. Seems you think the way that it is end of this world when children are sick and you think it is only you who takes care of children?and you fear that you might not be able to do it. This is negative thinking? people with such problems usually think negatively?But why u do not think positive way for example by thinking: Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal this is one of the tests of Allaah ?and I am not alone here to look after children ..i have my husband relatives?and i put my trust in Allaah?and inshaAllaah i get reward for this patience?and if for example your children have flu?you must thank Allaah that they did not have a sickness which is worse than that?you have to thank Allaah for that. You have to think this way. And remember ayah when Allaah said concerning the companions of prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam;"Men said to them,"A great army is gathering against you so fear them. That only increased them in faitg saying:For us Allaah suffices and He is best disposer of affairs. They returned with grace and bounty from Allaah.No harm ever touched them" Soorah Aali-'Imraan verses 173-174. Also remember what Khadijah said to soothe Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he was horrified in the cave: "Allaah will never disgrace you, you unite uterine relations, you bear the burden of the weak, you help the poor and the needy, you entertain the guests and endure hardship in the path of truthfulness. "Sahih Al Bukhari . That is how we should entrust our matters to Allaah. Imaam Shafi'i said:" How close is patience to relief. One who fears Allaah in his affairs, is delivered. One who testifies and believes in Allaah, is not afflicted with agony.One who reposes his hopes to Him will have his hopes fulfilled". As Sijistani said:" There are many hardships which a man seems unable to bear, while Allaah has a way out from them. They press him hard and tighten the noose around his neck. All of a sudden he finds a relief while having an impression that he would succumb to them." (Taken from tafsir ibn katheer part 30 summarized english translation page 97.)
Do not think that Allaah leaves you alone?rather Allaah is with you?always remember Allaah ..Do not think you are alone , do not think that no one helps you?Alhamdulillah you have children who will look after you and husband who takes care of you..and you have other relatives and you have salafis around you who want you good and alhamdulillah Allaah guided you to the way of Salaf who can have more than this?? ?Also look around yourself how kuffar live like an animal..look around yourself how many people in morning wake up with no Islam how many people die with no Islam..but Allaah guided to Islam made you muslim  who can have more than this?? Also look situation of many muslims around you some of them changed Islam some of them even forgotten?some of them worship other than Allaah?some of them are misguided?but Alhamdulillah Allaah guided to the way of the way of Ahlul jannah?to the way of Saved Victorious group?You should be thankful to Allaah..salafis are few in number and you are one of them inshaAllaah who can have more than this?? In here where i live there is not much salafies only 1 or 2 ?I always hope that we had more salafis in here and we could have islamic gatherings and increase our knowledge and help each other in righteousness..many muslims in here give their child to christian schools to study because they do not have islamic school ..but what about you? you live in birmingham?there are many salafis there?they have dawah center?masjid..salafi school islamic circles..scholars are visiting there?alhamdulillah who can have more than this?? You also have family..husband..children?look how many people do not have family?cannot have children for many years?but Allaah granted you with family husband..children?look how many around you are blind..or deaf..or disabled but Alhamdulillah Allaah gave you eyes to see, ears to hear..and you are not disabled? who can have more than this??  Look how many and how much bounties Allaah gave you?which many people cannot have?You have to think in this way. If something bad happens?do not panic?but have patience?and know that Allaah knows everything and put your trust in Allaah and work together with your husband.  Try to be more active .Spending much time on Internet is not good?You can get more benefit if you work together more with your husband?
Also ,my advice to you is like yemenisalafi brother said talk with your not think that he will not understand you but rather he will understand you and will be happy that you are asking his advise and help?May be it is possible that your husband also trying to understand what your problem is and did not have chance to ask you about it? You have to be open with your husband and tell everything without leaving anything .tell it with soft speech?in a manner of understanding? And then your husband can help you more than we can help you?he will contact scholars himself?etc?do what it should be done ..You have to work together when you have problems?

We ask Allaah to help you..and to increase your eemaan and patience.

Wa'alaykum salam
Abu Abbas.

This message was edited by AbuAbbasAlBukhariy on 12-11-02 @ 3:25 PM

AbooTasneem    -- 15-01-2003 @ 12:00 AM
  As Salaamu Alaikum

Can anyone give some advice on why a person has "Panic Attacks", and how they can control it from happening from them. May Allaah reward you!

Aboo Tasneem

كن مستفيدا أو مفيدا
أو اسكت بحلم

abu.buthaina    -- 16-01-2003 @ 12:00 AM
  as-salaam alaykum,

I know of one Muslim Physchiatrist who used to operate in Bradford, the trouble is the man is far far far removed from dawat as-salafeeya.

If you are still interested I will try to get his details for you insha Allaah.

wa salaam alaykum

ifthikar.saifudeen    -- 16-01-2003 @ 12:00 AM
  wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatullah brother Dawoud,

I found the following on

Panic Disorder Topic Overview :{5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}

The Topic contents to the right of the article should give you more info inshallah.  

and Allah knows best,



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